


If We Only Loved Once

by DaturaMoon



Series: Vikings [41]
Category: Vikings - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Second Chances, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28829322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaturaMoon/pseuds/DaturaMoon
Summary: Modern King Harald x Ofc (Ava)Parts inspired by the show Soulmates (AMC), infused with an idea I already had. Mentions of Halfdan
Relationships: Harald Finehair/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Vikings [41]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919068
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	1. The Support Group

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings \ Themes: so much angst, like, deep angst, mention of a motorcycle crash, life after losing loved ones, second chances in love, fluff. 
> 
> AN: I left Ava pretty open, without exact physical descriptions so anyone can read it and let your imagination run wild if you choose.

Six weeks. 

It’s been six weeks since she started coming here. 

Her eyes settle on the sign on the wall, Soulmates who have passed. 

Ava didn’t know why she did this, or if it even made her feel better, but it was all she had. Though she never got to meet him, the loss of Halfdan broke her heart and her spirit. 

Two years. Ava waited a whole two years after signing up for the test. Over that time, she endured a series of lackluster relationships while waiting for her match to sign up. The day she got the alert, it was like the skies opened up; the world suddenly seemed bright again. 

They were supposed to meet. Then the crash happened, and he died. That was a year and a half ago. 

When he died, Ava lost her one shot at love, true love. Now all she was left with was his profile and the few video clips he uploaded. It was not much, Halfdan was a mystery, but he was supposed to be her mystery. 

…

Week Seven 

Staring into the coffee cup, she watched the creamer swirl like a galaxy. Maybe she should stop coming? It’s not like these meetings were making a difference, or were they? 

Her thoughts are interrupted by a deep voice. Ava stared off into the coffee for so long she didn't notice someone was next to her. 

“Excuse me?” 

Ava asks, realizing how tired her voice sounded. Her eyes still cast down. 

“I thought I had the day wrong again. I showed up last week, no one was here." He smiles. She doesn’t see it yet. 

Ava finally looks up, her eyes landing on the man's face. For the first time in a long time, she feels something react inside of her. He was handsome. His long dark brown hair back in a ponytail, with streaks of grey in his beard and hair. His blue eyes were beautiful. 

“Oh.” 

That is all she manages to say. The longer she looks in his eyes, the more he seems strangely familiar, but she doesn’t know why. 

Ava looks down, noticing the ring on his finger.“You met yours?” 

The attractive stranger glimpses at the ring with a low chuckle, “I guess I should take this off. Just haven’t had the heart.” 

“Maybe you’re just not ready yet, and that is okay.” She says softly. 

He smiles. 

“Astrid.” 

The stranger looks off to the side like he’s reliving a memory. “We were married. She died, so did our child.” 

Ava frowns, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright.” His eyes meet hers again.“I’m hoping this helps.” 

Ava nods with a sympathetic look. 

“Alright, everyone! Come, sit, meeting starts now.” The counselor announces. Ava offers the stranger a smile and moves toward the center of the room. 

The stranger doesn’t tell his story; he just sits and listens. Feeling talked out, Ava does the same. Maybe that was another sign? Seeing as the last time she talked about Halfdan in the group was weeks ago. 

As the meeting comes to an end, Ava leaves early, slipping out before having to make a polite exit. 

When she steps outside, the sight of a motorcycle nearly makes her stop breathing. Why did it look familiar? Has she seen this bike before? 

With a puzzled expression, she takes one more look at the bike and starts the walk home.


	2. The Bike

Week 8 

This was it. The last one. Ava wasn’t healed or over Halfdan’s death, but the meetings started to feel like a chore. Maybe she could do something else with her time? She contemplated never coming back after last week, but the allure of the stranger was too great. 

Last week, he said his name was Harald. Who was Harald? Why did he haunt her? She was sure she never met him before. Still, she couldn't knock the feeling that she's seen him before. 

During the meeting, Ava again chooses to stay quiet. All the other voices tune out as she focuses on Harald. Whenever his eyes catch hers, she feels a nervous little flutter rise, followed by brief anxiety. 

When the meeting ends, Ava attempts a quick exit again. This time when she steps outside, Harald is already there by his bike. Stopping in her tracks, Ava comments about it before she realizes she’s speaking. 

“That bike, it seems so familiar.” 

Harald looks it over before making eye contact with her. 

“I recently just moved here, maybe you saw it on the road.” He leans into it, crossing one leg over the other. 

“No.” Ava walks closer, giving it a closer examination. “I just can’t put my finger on it.” She crosses her arms and stops behind the bike. Harald turns his head, following her movements. 

“It was my brothers.” Though Ava’s not looking at him, it sounds like he’s smiling. “I have my own, two of my own, but it’s a way to stay close to him.” 

Ava’s eyes dart to the side. She’s feeling something she can’t describe in words. Has this anxiety come back? Or something else? 

“Can I take you to lunch? I was going to ask last week, but you scurried away." Harald asks. 

Those blue eyes. Ava nods. “Yes.” 

…

30 minutes later 

Picking at the food, Ava feels Harald's eyes on her. It was a little awkward, and he did most of the talking, but she didn’t mind so much. She was glad for his invitation; it felt nice sitting here with him. 

You could see the heartbreak in his eyes, but there was hope too, a brightness she was sure had left her own eyes some time ago. Then there was the nagging feeling, had she seen him before? 

“Can I ask you something?” Harald's voice breaks the swirling of her thoughts. 

“Sure.” She meets his soft gaze. 

“Your soulmate, you never talk about him. You don’t have to if -”

“It’s okay...it’s like waves. Sometimes I talk about him a lot, and other times I don't...guess I’m in the don’t period. He rode bikes, like you, the same exact model I think.” She glances out the window, eyes settling on the bike. “I mean, I don’t know much about bikes, but it looks exactly the same.” 

Harald smirks, “Halfdan loved that bike.” 

The name hits her like a ton of bricks. Her eyes widen as they fall on Harald. “W-what did you say?” 

She looks like she’s seen a ghost. “Halfdan,” he repeats, “my brother.” 

Ava’s eyes wander, not settling on anything. 

“Ava?” Harald asks with concern in his eyes. 

She grips the edge of the table, her shoulders falling. 

“Ava?” 

“Is this a joke?” Anger rises in her expression as their eyes meet again.

“Why would -,” he pauses, “why would I joke about that?” 

His eyes are honest. So is his tone. But, if this was real...how could it be real? 

Harald sighs softly and pulls his phone out of his pocket. Disbelief is written all over her face and he’s confused, not understanding her reaction. 

Then he thinks about the bike, she was hyper-focused on it. But Halfdan never took the test, he even made fun of Harald for doing so. And when he died, many people came to the funeral, she wasn't one of them. 

Harald taps in his code and shows Ava the phone; his background is a photo of him and Halfdan. With shaky hands, Ava takes the phone. She suddenly feels cold as a heaviness sits in her gut. 

Harald leans over the table, a gentleness present in the rasp of his voice. “You matched with my brother?”

Ava shakes her head and puts the phone down. Blinking quickly, she takes out her own phone and pulls something up. 

“Look,” she waits for Harald to take the phone into his hands, “the same Haldan.” 

Harald licks his lips and starts to speak, then stops. A long pause passes as he looks at the match profile; It was real, this was not a joke. 

Harald sits back with her phone still in his hand as he exhales. Halfdan's sign update was right before he passed. 

“I never knew he took the test,” he raises a brow, “I never thought him the type.” 

“How is this possible then?” Ava's eyes fall to Harald's phone again. The screen fades to black, she keeps her eyes there anyway. “How do you end up in the same place as me?” 

Harald shrugs, “I don’t know Ava.” 

Ava brings her fingers to her lips. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“Neither do I.” 

They make eye contact, an uncomfortable silence fills the space.


	3. Another Chance

Week 9 

Ava waits outside nervously, nibbling on her bottom lip as the meeting lets out. She sees some new faces, a tiny part of her feels a little bad for skipping this week. But after last week, she was 90% sure she wouldn’t come back. 

Over the last 7 days, she couldn’t shake Harald and even figured out why his eyes seemed so familiar. In one of Halfdans videos, he was on the road with another man. Though his face was obscured by a helmet, at one point, he did lift the visor over his eyes. It was those same stunning blue eyes; it was Harald. 

After going back and forth on what to do, she decided to come here today and see him. Hopefully, he was here. However, upon her arrival, she didn’t even spot the bike. 

After counting 11 people, she starts to feel silly. Maybe last week scared him too? Maybe he was gone, forever. Ava thinks about how she ran away again after lunch, under the guise of going to the bathroom. She feels terrible, skipping out on him like that. But she was so overwhelmed, she didn’t know what to do. 

When Harald appears, a feeling of relief washes over her. Jenna, one of the women from the group, is walking close to him, going on and on about something. 

It wasn’t a surprise, Ava noticed right away how Harald turned heads. All the women looked when he showed up; he was clearly the most attractive man there.

Harald catches sight of her to the left of the building and quickly cuts his conversation with Jenna short. Feeling restless, Ava shoves her hands in her pockets and walks toward him. His smile is like the sun; it almost washes all her anxiety away in an instant. 

“If you plan to run away this time, I’d appreciate a warning.” There’s no malice or anger in his tone. 

Ava shakes her head and scoffs, more at herself than him. 

“I’m sorry. I was so overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed. I don’t know how to digest this.” 

“You and me both.” Harald crosses his arms. A clear and understanding look in his eyes. 

“I do owe you lunch though. If I haven’t weirded you out completely. I promise, no running this time.” 

That glorious smile returns, he drops his head slightly, she watches the way strands of hair fall into his face. 

His eyes are clear and bright when he looks up again, “You have a deal.” 

…

1 hour later 

Ava dips her spoon in the ice cream then pushes the float toward him. 

“Did you take the test at the same time?” 

“No,” he scoops ice cream on his spoon and eats it, “I took it three years prior. He made so much fun of me for it.” Harald grins, reliving the memory of Halfdans jokes. 

“You said he wasn’t the type to take it. What do you think made him do it?” 

“I can’t say, my brother was a fascinating and layered man. Adventurous. Maybe he was trying a new one,” Harald takes another spoon full, “you never met?” 

“No. We talked twice, we planned to. Then, you know..." Ava trails off briefly before continuing, "You were close. I’m surprised he never told you.” 

“I think he would have, eventually."

Ava hums and puts the spoon down, feeling full. Unlike last week she finished all her food. It was an hour in, they were still talking, now over dessert. This felt easier than last week. 

“Can you believe, well, according to the experts, you only meet your match every 30 years? Do you ever wonder if a person only has just one? Then what? You’re just...alone, forever. Or, the alternative, you get lucky when you’re 60 something.” 

Harald chuckles. “I tell myself differently. I’m a romantic guy. I have to believe there is hope that something else…” he pauses, getting lost in her eyes as she listens to him closely. Harald clears his throat. “I have to believe I get another chance.” 

Ava breaks eye contact. Her eyes move left to right, she thinks of a response. After a moment, she speaks. 

“Guess I could learn a thing or two from you. My thinking is grimmer on the matter,” Ava wraps her hands around the cup of water, “it wouldn’t hurt to lighten up.” 

Harald puts his spoon down. 

“What kind of world would it be if there was only darkness and pain? If we only loved once? I know what the experts said.” He waves his hand in the air. “ I have to believe a second chance is possible and it doesn’t require a wait of 30 years.” 

Harald’s words hit her deep, settling in her core. Her mind starts to wander. Maybe Harald was right? From this perspective, there would be something to look forward to on the road ahead.


	4. A New Perspective

Three days later 

Ava’s heart was pounding, her hands trembling slightly. The adrenaline pumped so fast through her veins she almost felt dizzy with it. 

Stepping off the bike, she peels the helmet off. Harald’s rich laugh erupts from his throat, he holds his helmet in his hands. 

“Are you okay?” 

Ava takes a deep breath in and out. 

“I think so I mean...wow!” She looks at the bike. 

She always wanted to ride on one of these. This was just different from the picture she set in her mind. In her vision, she would be on the back of Halfdans bike, her arms wrapped tight around his body. The motorcycle zooming down the open road as they just drove, with no destination in mind. 

Even though this wasn't her vision, it didn’t feel any less exciting. Being on the back of the bike felt so free like she was flying, exactly how she thought it would feel. 

Smiling, she presses her palm against her cheek, eyes falling on Haralds. 

“That was so cool, Harald, thank you.” 

“Maybe one day, you’ll ride your own.” 

Ava disagrees.“ No. I’m not that bold. This, this is enough. Though, I would like to do that again. It was fucking awesome!” 

They both start to laugh. Harald enjoys seeing her so excited. 

“I see why you matched,” Harald comments softly, “he would have liked you.” 

Ava knows it's a compliment, but she can’t help feeling a little sad. Harald notices the mood change and the small frown on her lips. 

“I’m sorry. I think of my brother all the time and now knowing this, knowing you…” he stops, not finishing his sentence. 

“No, it’s okay...he was your brother, you love him. Don’t let me stop you from talking about him. How about this, we can celebrate this bucket list activity with a drink. You can tell me all the stories you want. Plus, only if it doesn't hurt you, if you want to talk about Astrid, I’ll listen.” 

His smile is soft and sad. After a second, he nods. 

Harald kept a lot in but he liked talking to her. Maybe a night of opening up completely could give him some relief too. 

….

A month later 

Ava and Harald became quick friends, bonding over more than their grief. Both made each other laugh and smile more than they have individually in a long time. It became so natural, so easy to spend time together; in some ways, it was like they were never strangers. 

Though Harald never voiced it, seeing Ava was the highlight of his week. Their lunches soon turned into dinners, mixed with little outing and adventures like the bike ride. They even went to the movies, something Harald hadn’t done in years. 

Harald's adjustment to this new city was made all the better by Ava. Even with the pain in his past, he felt comfortable, welcomed, at home. His last meeting being the one where she waited for him outside, he no longer felt the desire to go back, not now that he had Ava. 

It was the same for Ava. She looked forward to her time with Harald and never went to another meeting. Even when their time to part would come, she would feel a little sadness, not wanting it to end so soon. 

Part of her worried, was she latching on to Harald because she lost Halfdan? Same for Harald, he lost his brother and wife and child. Was he latching onto her to have something? Anything? 

But even when this part of her yapped away, Ava had to remind herself how genuine Harald seemed. Every smile, every laugh, every gentle touch of her arm or shoulder when he held doors open for her. 

Were these feelings to be trusted? These fluttery, excited, young feelings? Or was it displacement? Then, if it was real, what kind of person would that make her? Harald was still Halfdan's brother. 

All of this made Ava convinced she shouldn't get too close. It was better to handle this with gloves; she had to be smart and realistic. They both had enough pain and hurt in their lives, they didn’t need anymore.


	5. Live

Two months later 

As Ava slices into the cake, she can’t help but glance over at Harald. It was quite amazing, seeing him there and mingling with her friends. Harald fit into her life so naturally, like he was always meant to be there. The realization comforted and scared her at the same time. 

“Come on! Eat it!” Her best friend yells. She was more excited than anyone about the cake since she baked it. 

“Alright, here I go.” 

Ava holds the cake slice in her palm and takes a huge bite. Her face must have given away how fucking delicious it was, as her bestie was practically beaming. 

“Happy Birthday!” Everyone cheers again. 

She swallows the bite and waves, buying time to chew it before she can speak again. 

Harald stands at her side, handing her a drink. 

“Thank you.” She says through full cheeks. 

Harald grins, he thinks she looks cute she looks, but he won't say it aloud, he can't. He gently touches her, his hand is warm against her upper arm. Ava notices the absence of the ring. When did he stop wearing it? 

Only a moment after Harald walks away from Ava, her friend Erin stands beside her and loops her arm in hers. 

“You still want to deny that’s your boyfriend?” She whispers.

Ava shakes her head and turns the face towards Erin. 

“He is not my boyfriend.” 

Erin clearly doesn’t believe her. Looking forward, Erin tugs on Ava’s arm. 

“Well if you wait too long, someone else might swipe him up.” 

Ava frowns. 

“But, he only seems to have eyes for you.” 

Ava nibbles her bottom lip, watching as Harald talks to three people, all laughing at a joke he’s made. 

He was the star of any room he walked in. It was near impossible to ignore him or not to stare. At least it was easier in a group situation like this. It hardest when they were alone, it felt almost impossible to pretend her feeling didn't exist. 

Ava often found herself breaking eye contact before Harald did just because she feared, if she looked a second longer, she would say or do something she may later regret. 

Harald looked back over his shoulder, catching her gaze. With a smile, he winks before returning to the conversation. 

“He’s really fucking hot."

“Stop, Erin.” Ava shoves her and motions to the cake. “Go, eat some cake, stop being feral.” 

...

Late that night 

Sinking into the couch, Harald grabs the remote and turns the t.v on. He didn’t really want to watch anything, it was just for background noise. 

He keeps thinking about Ava. She consumed many of his thoughts, the more he got to know her, the more he - 

Breaking his train of thought, he comes to standing and walks to the far back of the apartment. Opening the closet, he takes out a photo album and a leather jacket from a hook. 

His chest feels heavy with emotions as he sets the leather jacket down and sits. Placing the album in his lap, he opens it in the middle and smiles.

“That was a good time.” He says to himself and flips to another page. 

This photo album used to be mixed with all his buddies, but it now only contained photos of his childhood and Halfdan. From when they were just babies to their many adventures all over the world as adults. 

“So many good times together, right brother?” He turns the page. 

Harald feels his eyes tear up. His focus drifts over to the jacket. He places a hand flat against the leather. 

“Brother, I need your help. I can’t help my heart, I have no desire or plan to betray you or to take what was yours. I don’t know what to do…” he trails off, his chest tightening. 

Hope. He held on to it, but deep down he didn’t think he could feel this way again. Just like he accepted he would never have a family. He knew his words helped Ava believe, but more often than not, Harald didn’t even believe them himself. Not until Ava. 

It took everything in him to stop himself from kissing her, from letting his hands linger on her arm or professing the extent of his feelings. Some nights, while in bed, he would think about the two times she slept over and how angelic she looked in his bed, her head on his pillows. He would think about how she smelled and missed her scent in his apartment. 

"You worry yourself too much brother.” 

Startled, Harald looks around the room, he’s alone. He could swear he just heard his brother's voice. 

I’m not that drunk. He thinks, rubbing his face with his palms. 

He hears singing. The song he and Halfdan always sang. 

Standing, Harald searches the apartment, freaked out but hopeful. Was he really hearing Halfdan? 

When he returns to the living room, he sees Halfdan sitting on the couch next to the jacket, admiring it. 

Harald's jaw drops. Halfdan looks up at him and laughs. 

“You should see your face!” He points to him. “Don’t worry. I’m with the gods, and once you are ready, I’ll escort you. But now, you are alive. So live.” 

Harald swallows hard, tears roll down his cheeks. 

“I was right,” Halfdan walks over to him,” she does look good on a bike.” 

The brothers share a laugh. Halfdan grabs Harald's shoulders with a grip, looking into his eyes. 

“You can give her things I couldn’t. Tell her.” 

Speechless, Harald struggles to respond. 

Halfdan presses his forehead to his.” “Live brother. Live.” 

In a blink, Halfdan is gone. Harald stumbles back against the wall, eyes wide as he tries to catch his breath.


	6. The Leap

The Next night 

The drive up was beautiful, breathtaking. Ava had never been this high up in the mountains before and the night was clear and littered with stars. 

As she sits on the ground, she can hear Harald behind her, removing the bag from his bike. 

When he sits beside her, he places the bag on the floor before them. 

“What do you think?” 

“I love it, it’s beautiful.” 

He watches the way her eyes travel the sky. “Thank you.” 

She turns her head, her eyes meet his. Harald feels his heart swell with affection. 

“I love this spot, I come here to think, to rest...it’s sacred.” 

Ava leans into him with a gentle push, “it is very sacred. I’m honored that you deem me worthy.” 

Her pulse is racing. The cautious part of her tells her to lean back, not forward. To put some space between their bodies. Harald moistens his lips. She can see his wheels turning in his eyes. 

“You okay?” She asks softly. 

“I need to say something at the risk of making a fool of myself,” he shifts so his body can face hers. Harald grabs her hand, “I know my past, and yours. I know we both were matched and told who our soulmates were. But I know you are what I've been waiting for. For the last four years of my life, I carried this emptiness, an emptiness that’s gone now. I love you, Ava. And if you want me, you can have me. All of me.” 

Ava’s lips part as her eyes widen, a small o formed on her lips. Harald caresses the back of her hand, desperately awaiting her response. 

Ava’s heart is banging in her chest now. She takes a deep breath, savoring the moment. Love was really about the leap, wasn’t it? Not what some expert said. Second chances were real, and it was happening. 

Moving closer, Ava cups his cheek with her free hand, her gaze steady on his. “I love you too Harald.” The words sound like a prayer answered. 

Overjoyed, Harald pulls her into his arms, his lips pressing against hers. His joy is immeasurable as she kisses him back. 

Love didn’t come once in a lifetime. It took hope and taking a chance. Ava and Harald finally found all they thought they lost.


End file.
